There are things you SHOULD do and you MUST do.
they are similar but completely different .
I used to laugh about people saying "All your hard work will pay off".
Now I understand that
Things you get without effort you will loose at somepoint,
but things you get from all your hard work will stay with you forever and come with something extra.

People here read my blog might think I'm a fucked up animal with IQ of hamburger, I don't care.
But I do care about my friends/family who care about me, and I do care about friends/family I love.
I think about death a lot, but I don't want to die because of my friends who care about me.
I find suicide is a ego thing, how painful your life is, how depressed you are, the ones who will get the hardest time is the ones who are left alive who care about you.
Looking after yourself is for looking after the ones you love.

                                                                                                                                            I just don't want to let my friends/family down.